sample essay for 12-year-olds

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渋幕中、渋谷幕張中

文章を綴る、not simply writing essays but in more specific terms crafting ideas について2人の生徒の保護者、ママからご質問を受けましたので、回答しておきます。サンプルの英文とともに。

sample essay for 12-year-olds

生徒ママ2名からの質問への返答

問題を作成して、予想問題、お返事していきましょう

予想問題

What are the greatest inventions? Choose three of them and explain.

予想問題 essay writing

平均的な答案例 Norma Jean 版

Norma Jean 版とします。かなり下にまとめを書く際にコード名が必要なので(笑)。ただし、書いているのは講師なのであって、小6でありません、あくまでサンプルですよ。

Computers, cars and refrigerators are the three distinctive inventions. I would like to explain these three items as follows.

First, computers have made human life more convenient than ever before. We can look for unknown information on the Internet. For example, when we have trouble finding how to get to the restaurant we already know but by accident forgot the way, we can search for the location information and reach the destination soon.

Second, cars are vital to most people on earth. Before the dawn of the civilization, when apes and early human beings were difficult to distinguish, human had to walk. Then accidentally, human learned to ride animals. “Riding” has made traveling easier. We can still recognize its convenience when we ride horses or for children in preschool donkeys. After several hundreds of years, to be accurate, in hundreds of thousands of years, some brutal man realized that animals wouldn’t listen to what the owner intended. In other words, there are times when horses refuse to let the owner sit on their backs and take him to the next town at two in midnight. This tragedy, in a sense, has urged human being to another invention: “Moving machines.” Far down the history, human beings succeeded in inventing bicycles. Ultimately, cars to move by itself. To put these two inventions in another way, the transition from bicycles and cars lies within the demand for “power.” – how to move the device with people on its back. However, cars at present are one of the greatest inventions human beings have ever made in history. I am sure that few people disagrees with the fact.

Third, another great invention in history is devising refrigerators. Fridges enable human people to store fresh meat, vegetables, and drinks. Thanks to fridges’ contribution, we human beings can use twenty-four hour given every day more efficiently.

Taking the above three inventions above, human beings came to increase its activeness and therefore prosper on earth.

36分かかっています。約330語です。詳細は割愛しますが、典型的な中学受験 英語入試の受験生が書く essay writing のレベルを模しています。くどいですが、講師が小6レベルになるように真似て完成させています。

ここで、小学6年生は選択の時を迎えるのです。書き終えたことで満足するか、リライトに入るか否か。

リライト、新しく書き直してみます Marilyn 版

敢えて、改訂に踏み込んだ場合はどういった答案になることでしょう?

↓60分かけて、現場でリライトした答案、全く別物にも読めます。 Marilyn 版と名称を付します。

The greatest invention in human history is mind. In other words, the ability to think and drive a new idea. I must admit that “mind” isn’t generally included when give them “invention.” However, observing what the word “invention” means precisely would lead all people to the conclusion that the greatest invention is mind.

Since when human beings separated from aps, human beings kept using tools. It might seem as only playing around with remaining two foot, we call arms, but the reality is quite different. The freed two arms stimulated mind. The mind continuously evolved during the due course of tooling. Here, tooling means devising tools. Stand back and think for a moment. When we use pencils to write answers, don’t we all try to use pencils more conveniently? Even the dullest student would want to write with pencils efficiently. So they devise pencils. Sometimes they sharp them up, or there may be times when the bend them in half, strangely. But to their convenience, bending might bring about the desirable result; making the pencil easier to write than previously they have been. In this way, human beings try to make most of their tools, in this case, pencils. What is more important, the brain is continuously working. In other words, the mind keeps activating thus inviting further evolvement of the mind itself. In this sense, I would like to note that the mind is the greatest invention.

Now, along with the greatest invention, mind, there are two more great inventions which is required to list. So here they are.

The second is letters. Characters are more accurate expression nowadays. Alphabets and Chinese Characters play great roles in conveying ideas and exchanging opinions. There must be few opposing opinion as to alphabets and characters are one of the greatest inventions.

Third wheel needs to be included in greatest inventions. The most eminent contributioln of wheels is that human beings came able to move around the earth faster and without being exhausted. The biggest reason is that wheels got rid of frictions for human beings to move around the ground.

In conclusion, therefore, mind is the greatest invention accompanied by letters and wheels. These three inventions have significantly advanced human beings as a whole.

え~と、「勉強が好きな」児童は Marilyn version まで書きます。というか、書けます。いや、正確には書いてしまいます。ご覧になって下さい。60分かかりますから。 Marilyn の名称を付した箇所で書いています。

ところが、重要な事実がありまして、 Norma Jean version レベルで合格出来るのですよ。現実は。イギリスとアメリカのボーディングスクール、それから、大学入試の personal statement を書くとき、つまり3つのタイプの英文を書くときには、必要とされる努力と忍耐です。本当は、もう一つ、合計4つあるんですが、4番目は講師の私の説明を聞けば、2分、笑いが止まらない出来事になるので、まぁ、ご縁があればということで。個人的には、重大 incident と心の中で呼んでいます(ほぼ人には話さない)。

まとめ

She would have led happy life had she still been Norma Jean.

授業担当講師の個人的な見解(苦笑)

編集後記

この記事を書くのに112分、正味2時間弱、前半の英文で36分、後半の英文で53分。中学入試の英語ライティングを試験時間50分で出題するのが、如何にナンセンスかを図らずも、講師が立証した形になっていまいました。念のために強調しておきますが、50分の essay writing 指導をしている講師が証明しています。ましてや、pre-essay について意義があるんだか、ないんだか?

とりあえず、1日2時間、英文で記事を書いていけば、stack up したときに、英語の書籍が完成するので、いっちょ、やってみるかと願を立てた次第です。

最終的には、”Zen” について書こうと企画していますが、講師の私は忙しく、かつ、根気がない、ヘタレなので、東京観光案内を英文で書こうと考えています、第1プラン。実は、第2プランも心中にはありまして、”Tokyo Japanese language school for international students.” です。つまり、英語で日本での留学、語学研修、日本語習得について書いていく予定です。

でも、ムリだ。3つで5年かかりますね。う~ん、どうしよう。

ところで、私は無謀だと周囲に諫められる計画を実行するときは、1つずつ、取り組むというドン・キホーテな対処をとることにしています。やる!実行する!

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